Feel free to take a furlough any time you want, Secret Service.

Except maybe Aria Stark having Trump and Chris Christie over for some some poison meatloaf and then pulling off her Steve Bannon mask

This is not exactly good news. If Huckabee and the Mooch and this new "Director of Communications" are any indications, Trump will just bring in somebody ten times worse. Yes, there are people tn times worse out there.

I'mma let you rule for the defendant an dismiss the suit

I'm definitely mailing Trump a Happy Obama Day card every year.

(Meanwhile, we can’t wait to see what the red-hats of the internet will
do with the fact that the inflatable was manufactured in China.)

I wanna see Keanu Reeves firing off a whole clip in frustration, but not into the air.

I smell a presidential pardon and a corner office at the FDA for mr big rolls here.

Good thing Pickle showed up when he did.

Yes, at this point I think we all know what he is - even repulsive perverted shit like this shouldn't really come as a surprise now.

Another Trump sycophant bites the dust. I wonder if his old gig at the Republican National Committee will come calling, or does he have a gigantic 'T' carved in that forehead forever?

Why would he sell his own kids - actually, scratch that

I think you meant to say

Where is the fourth syllable? Is it a 'za' at the end?

Coincidence? I THINK NOT!!

"Parents should never have to bury their own children," Jones said.

His solos in Sway and Can't You Hear Me Knocking kick ass. Keith hated his guts because he was better.

ZZ Top. Just got paid.

Ramsay Snow: "If you think this has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention."
They're prosecuting a woman for laughing at Jeff Sessions. For laughing! They are going to hang Colbert with piano wire.