You also have System of a Down!

::gets off your lawn::

Created an account just to write this.

"HNIC," short for "Head Nigger in Charge."

Max from "Where the Wild Thing Are" seems like a total asshole to me and openly root for his boat to sink on his return from the island.

I am okay with the theme of "Guess How Much I Love You", it's having to say "nutbrown hare" 50 times in 3 minutes that is awful.

"Hello."

Stacy is chippy. Look at her both throw the elbow AND take a dive in that last one. She's the Kenny "The Rat" Linesman of her generation. Of ministick, I guess.

That's why you post a video in your Facebook feed, Russ, then nobody from the NFL will ever see it.

Three months before our wedding my then-fiancee now wife and I were celebrating her birthday at a restaurant.

Too late for official submission, but it needs to be released into the universe. Let it go. As the songs says.

Senior year of HS, final semester, and me, coming off a pretty nasty breakup with my girlfriend of 18 months. Of course, in high school, 18 months of dating is like being fucking married, and I was pretty…

Apparently girls don't ever have failed romantic gestures? And neither do adults. Teenage boys do the darnest things.

Internet pornography and masturbation is a very stress free way to go through life

Guys, if the crush happened in 5th grade or below, she was the prettiest or cutest girl, not the hottest. We don't see hotness until puberty, this is science.

8th grade, I got a really really hot girl to go to a movie with me. We held hands, joked, had fun. A few weeks later (Valentine's Day) I got her a very innocent, somewhat humorous card and slipped it in her locker. I had my last class of the day with her, and instead of being polite, she yelled at me and said she…

OH MY GOD. It looks like a merkin.

Crazy that there's a correct way to handle a dangerous snake, and no correct way to be within a football field of a Hippo

All I know is that not even the Crocodile Hunter would go near them. I remember one time he was getting nervous and they were like a mile away. Then in the next segment he was manhandling a black mamba and saying "Crikey! That was close mate!" That pretty much told me what I needed to know about hippos.