Remember to read all of the quotes attributed to Sterling as if it were Master Shake from ATHF. Indeed, this is gold.

So he's the love child of Silent Bob and Sideshow Bob.

It's a win-win. Good publicity for them and it's just a good thing to do. I have no problem with it

You skipped the step where you blow normally, insert cartridge, press it into the fully depressed position and insert cartridge #2 backwards into the upper portion of the slot to hold it down.

So based on the looks of that Cooper, someone just donked the shit out of their lawnmower.

But...but...you've given away AutomatchTom's real name. Nooooooo! That's like knowing Superman is actually Clark Kent

Resolved: MLB should do away with intentional walks and allow teams to put a man on first without throwing four pitches.

Something tells me this isn't the first blockage his chest has experienced.

Toronto would be a great spot for the Bills. Toronto has a strange, undying love for mediocrity.

Well of course Sarah Jessica Parker appreciates Horsepower...

Hamilton Nolan is that you? What are you doing on Jalopnik!

When did Perd Hapley move to San Francisco?

True story: I beat Tyson as a kid. I was playing at the neighbor's house with their two kids and we were doing the typical 10-year old thing - playing video games all night until our eyes bleed. It was about midnight (Saturday) before I worked my way up to Tyson. I had faced him before and, like most people, got curb…

How the hell does she NOT get to keep that bat?

I guarantee you Obama started farting in front of the Secret Service as soon as he possibly could. When you're rich/powerful, you do it because you can. The partners in my firm will walk into my office, close the door, shit their pants, ask me a question they already know the answer to, and leave. Why? Because they…

He hit the post but counted it as a goal because Vladimir Putin does not care for borders.