I’ve been to more than one event (usually weddings) where centerpiece stealing is basically encouraged after the fact. I mean, the flowers are just going to be thrown away, might as well get some more use out of them.

Good riddance! He can go back to servicing the Koch Bros. for cash.

Well I suppose the high percentage of women to men is somewhat realistic considering that so many men in Austen’s time were off fighting the Napoleonic wars. Hence, you might be tempted to settle for an annoying clergyman because it’s quite unlikely you’ll ever meet an eligible single man your own age. I’d go after…

DOUBLE CREATURE I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I EVER SAID ABOUT YOU

This may be relevant ish:

nothing has more power over my emotions than double creature

comparing this to clive owen is a fucking war crime

“Ladies leave your bags at home, the store is full of paper ones and totes make me groan.

Double Creature honestly makes or breaks my week

Ashley Dillon, get it the fuck together. That cat does not look like Barack Obama.

Are you watching Unreal on Lifetime? It’s a scripted show about the behind the scenes of The Bachelor. Constance Zimmer and Shiri Appleby are very good. Otherwise I am staunchly anti-Lifetime.

THIS IS THE GREATEST EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! <333

i am irrationally excited by this! YAY!!!!!!!!

Congratulations! That’s a very cute dog and, now, THE GLAMOUR OF IT ALL!!!!

That dog is adorable

Your dog does look like Julia Louis Dreyfus. This was welcome after weeks of paltry pet/celeb look a likes.

Hey fellow Minnesotan!

WAT

Refund for ambiguously prized matzah: $1.50

Stop eating so much chith and the inches will melt right off.