“Oh honey, that’s gonna scar!”—my mom, when I told her I had been cutting myself and showed her my thigh.

OMG, my mom has this crazy aunt whose son was paralyzed when he was in college, and she maintains that his paralysis is due to “trying to leave a Dungeons and Dragons gang”. I don’t remember the exact details of what happened to cause the injury, but I distinctly recall thinking “that doesn’t make sense at all” when I…

I was in high school when instant messaging was a big deal, just before Facebook began. I spend many class periods planning my funeral and talking myself out of suicide because my family would have to clean up the mess. I engaged in self-harm as a way to blow off steam and maintain a facade of having it all together.…

I’ve cheated once. It was early on in my relationship with my ex-husband and had enough major extenuating circumstances that his best friend told me privately that, while he would never condone what I did, he understood why I did it. I felt like shit for doing it, and the guilt was a huge part of the reason I ended up…

My ex-MIL gave me a Pioneer Woman cookbook for Christmas, and I was surprised that almost every recipe was a collection of canned/boxed items (which is fine, but not at all what I expected, given her ‘name’). I gave it away because it wasn’t my thing...fast forward a couple of years, and her recipes for pot roast and…

As someone who is very loud during sex, I have become quite good at screaming into the mattress/pillow/whatever to muffle my screams whenever possible. I adapted pretty quickly, once I learned my sister’s friend lived next door to my boyfriend... I still forget sometimes and feel a little bad once it’s all over.

I will grant that the women (Kim, in particular) are probably pretty sensitive to anything along the lines of revenge porn. I can see that being a line that can’t be uncrossed. There are constant rumors of sex tapes/nude pics/whatever being released of them, and while I know that Pimp Momma Kris is behind a lot of…

Yeah, including Drake would ruin it for me. He annoys me to no end. I’m sure he’s a perfectly nice guy, but he’s about as interesting as a cardboard cutout of a human and always going after women waaaay out of his league. Like, if he wasn’t DRAKE, he would be that annoying guy who keeps “dating” girls in your friend…

The other thing that breeds resentment is how children always trump any other obligations. I have (cheerfully) covered many shifts because someone’s kid was home sick and needed a parent at home. That’s important, and I have no problem filling in those cracks. But don’t tell me that I can’t have Wednesday night off to…

A good friend of mine always says “Drunken words are sober thoughts”. In my mind, this applies to drunken actions, as well. I’ve done my share of stupid shit while drunk, and had moments of “what was I thinking?” when I sobered up, but I have never done anything that was outside of my moral boundaries. Any man who…

I know!!! My mind was already racing about the issues it could cause with work, with Noah, and her PTSD. I’m still half-expecting it to come up at some point.

I put my breaks off as late as possible. It makes the whole day go faster if I know that I only have 3 hours left after lunch and take my final break an hour before I leave.

Yeah, wine is definitely more drinkable in large quantities than straight liquor, which is such a double-edged sword.

I have a sister who’s name on Facebook is “Hername N Husband’sname Lastname”. It annoys me every time.

My little sister has bought into both this and the Beachbody cult. Every Facebook post is a picture of her holding my (adorable) nephew, with a caption about how hard it is to balance working and working out and being a MOM, but she does it all for her son. Nearly every post ends with “You got this, Mama!”. Luckily,…

This is something I’ve noticed, as my favorite shows are Scandal and SVU. Both Olivias frequently drink a bottle of red wine in a night. I distinctly recall an episode of SVU where Benson opened a second bottle, and the camera panned across in a way that made me wonder if her drinking was going to become a plotline…

Agreed, until the second go-round...he became such a passive-aggressive ass. And the whole “I’m proposing to lock you down” thing was just obnoxious.

I thought she was best known for banging many married fathers...which somehow sounds way more judgmental on the screen than it was in my mind.

I am torn between “you voted for this, here you go” and the fact that my parents are part of that group. Mom has insurance through her job, but Dad is self-employed—and has a pretty serious pre-existing condition— and they live in a state that fought Obamacare tooth and nail, so his premiums and deductible are insane.…

I am so, so, sorry. You didn’t do anything to deserve this, and he is deserves to roast in a hell I don’t believe in, but am willing to create for him. I am so glad you were able to escape. All of the (consensual) hugs.