DC resident here, responses to your paragraphs:

I assumed they already did 

Now that’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time...

I think pedestrian safety standards are at play here, else it wouldn’t need to be so blunt-faced. Unfortunately painting the upper grill (which has a couple openings so it at least appears partially functional and not all fake) body color would make it too buck-toothed (a la 3rd Gen Passat)

So edgy of takes you have. Your opinions are not the Jalopnik we deserve.

Camaro can get a pass (Pace Car livery is always pretty garish), but these are fantastically rad (for Radwood) and terribly (at everything else):

Guaranteed that there is one or two of these squirrelled away. It's the only Rogue that might net you your initial investment in 25 years LoL. 

No.

I remember when these came out and seeing that sticker price! Like what actual surfer thought this is the vehicle I want. I actually saw one of these in the late aughts in Minnesota of all places (Haven’t seen one since).

I definitely am under the impression they looked at the late 80s through the 90s Civic as design inspiration for this. To me it has a design elements of the 4th-6th generations sprinkled throughout with the front fascia and grill hark to the 6th gen particularly (slimmer headlights from 4th/5th).

Nope.

Counterpoint:

FWIW Other sites are reporting that the Highlander 5000lb tow rating is unchanged with this power train update.

Woah woah woah ... you are throwing that J word around like Noble gives out prizes.

All $1 car ads will be replaced with $1234 pricing. Problem solved. 

The “new” VB WRX deserves a place on this list (VA WRX included for reference). New Subarus in general always feel like the new generation of a vehicle is actually what the previous generation should’ve looked like.

Wowza, I had no clue about this lawsuit and awarded judgement! My bad for assuming 

“Ford was recently forced to pay $1.7 billion to the family of Melvin and Voncile Hill of Georgia...”

The selections are still based on the writer's opinion on what they seem as best fit for the list, so it's not like it's purely what we the commenters agree with. For these "best of the best/worst" suggestions I'd prefer a comparison between what the commenters suggest vs. what the Jalopnik staff pick and see how they…

A ruler denotes that units of measure were in use...it was likely just a straight edge