he was seated per-pen-dick-ular to you. FIFY.

Wow, thank you for this involved response. I appreciate it.

Stoya has spoken up about problems in the industry before, and she’s certainly never denied that they exist. Porn isn’t by any means a monolith, not all sets are created equal, and there’s nothing inherently exploitive in paying people to have sex on camera for money.

Of course there are issues in the porn industry — contractor status and stigma against sex workers + standard-issue misogyny and rape culture present in every industry = high potential for abuse. Many of the women who have come forwards about assault have critiqued the industry, in a much more nuanced and informed…

Thank you for sharing your experiences. It’s not an easy thing to talk about, and you are very well-spoken. I agree that the patriarchal notion of “all men want sex all the time” and the inverse “women just don’t have the same sex drive as men; women just aren’t as sexual” are very, very damaging. Some men have low to…

Yep. My ex did the same gaslighting reversal crap to me. Disagreeing with him on anything? Emotional abuse. The best/worst was after our therapist told him his behaviour was abusive ... Apparently not stopping him from abusing me was abusive to him? It made no sense but he rages about it.

yes, but not of “human nature”. I am doing research in neuroscience, and I can tell you all this “testosterone is to blame” is complete BS. male to female rape is more common, but I am pretty sure that if women would have more power than men, they wouldn’t be any better. but, there are and always will be exceptions.…

I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I just know that male-to-female rape is far, far, FAR more common than the other way around and I’m convinced it’s because of some deep flaw in masculinity, male culture, or the way boys are raised. Some combination of that causes this.

To clarify: the man in the links is not the man I’m referring to as the person who abused me. They are two separate people. I don’t consider what happened in that scene to be abuse, just scary boundary violation that left me feeling gross. The “kink hotshot”is someone I’ve written about here before and who hasn’t been…

Thank you for sharing your story. I am an abuse survivor and I know how hard it can be to talk about it. Your bravery and honesty is really inspiring.

In Stoya’s case, I can see why she’d be reluctant to do so. From what she’s said, this happened in private with her boyfriend, with whom she’s had a history of rough consensual sex. Even if she’d immediately reported the incident to the police, it immediately turns into a he said/she said situation. Even a good,…

I did a BDSM scene with the man mentioned in your links, and I 100% believe her (although I believe any woman who speaks out; it’s a very scary position to be in). While he did not rape me, he did not maintain my boundaries in the slightest and I had to kick him out of where we were playing. And I thought, as we all…

These are great, great points — good thinking drawing the parallel to Mack. I don’t really know what else to add other than “god, it’s awful, it sucks, it’s the worst thing.”

You know how terrible, dismissive and accusatory cops tend to be when “regular” women report rape, to the point that some women describe the process as nearly as traumatizing at the rape itself? That’s magnified exponentially when the victim is any kind of sex worker. And even more so when it’s a past event, and…

She said she would try to bring it up with him: what happened, what had he been thinking? He would tell her, she said, that her tears were “abusive”.

It’s a pretty mainstream view that people who get paid to have sex aren’t “legitimate” victims of rape. It’s hard enough to get rape charges to stick when the survivors are “normal” people - why do you think it would be effective for the sex workers who have allegedly been assaulted by Deen?

The women coming forward are adult film actresses; surely one can imagine how that information would be used in court.

It doesn’t look like it, but I can sort of understand why. I mean a The courts rip through a woman’s sexual past gets enough when we’re talking about a ‘normal’ person. Unfortunately I think it would be fairly easy for a defense attorney to paint a half believable picture of desire instead of rape. That doesn’t mean…

Why would they want to? Why would they need to? In a lot of these situations, the legal process would be long, exhausting, and probably completely demoralizing. The women coming forward are adult film actresses; surely one can imagine how that information would be used in court. If the end goal is just to raise…

I gain more and more respect for Stoya every time I read something by or about her. Her writings for Vice are well worth reading.