While I do not understand what style “Lucky Blue Smith” has, I do admire the fact that it has somehow manifested a more androgynous form than Tilda Swinton. That alone is worthy of notice.

Toyota goes to the all you can eat sushi place and orders a steak.

Are you kidding? I mean, what are people worried that U2 aren’t going to get their due credit or something? (“What the fuck, man, don’t hate on U2! They’re one of the hardest working bands out there, and with a little luck, maybe someday they’ll finally catch a break and hit it big!”)

Sounds like something a progressive liberal would say, you progressive liberal.

Let’s remember some jokes:

The runners up were probably Durant’s high school coach, Durant’s mom and a guy who looks just like Durant in a cagey attempt to try and convince Durant that he’d already signed there and just forgotten about it.

I personally like different types of play from different teams. Play the way the roster is built for versus forcing the roster to be what it's not. I have fond memories of the East beating the shit out of each other while the West was more wide open.

thing i take issue is teams needing to emulate the dubs. Transition, passing and 3 point shooting is the only way to win if you have the roster to do it with special talent. For example, Curry is the greatest 3 point shooter of all time, Thompson 2nd best 3 point shooter in the nba, and greene led the team in…

I’m really anxious to see if he can turn Zach Lavine into Kirk Hinrich with a 50" vertical

That was the narrative (all hail the narrative!), but the Bulls seemed to have plenty of health concerns even after he left.

“I have my doubts that any coach can miraculously turn a team around in one season, and Thibodeau has only ever coached a roster full of veterans.”

The best part of this letter is the comic sans.

This is... amazing.

Let’s find the ZODIAC MOTHERFUCKER equivalent for every NFL team, and put them in charge for a period of 5 years, at the end of which, the regular owners take back control, but ZODIAC MOTHERFUCKER immediately becomes unimpeachable commissioner for life. I dare anyone to tell me that this wouldn’t be a massive…

Biermann is more famous among “Real Housewives of Atlanta” fans than he is among NFL fans

Atlanta is the only place I’ve ever been where I could stand in one place, rotate 360 sixty degrees, and see four separate Waffle Houses.

No, you’re supposed to email in examples of the Saints’ stupidity, not comment them

This concludes the last thing any of us will read about the 2015-2016 Atlanta Falcons. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Austin Collie used to give similar interviews to the beat writers in Indianapolis, except his stock answer was, "Who am I? Why are you asking me these questions?"