Are you telling me you’re not impressed with Simmons dropping 31 points on his 8,746 free throw attempts last night when they started playing Hack-A-Simmons at like 4 minutes left in the game?

These are weird times, man. If you would have asked me 10 years ago or so if I would be ambivalent to borderline rooting for JJ Redick I would have thought you were huffing paint. Now he is... dare I say it... somewhat likeable?

Warren would be an outstanding candidate but I don’t see her getting out of this field, which completely blows my mind. She’s just as progressive as Bernie, with actual legislative chops and fairly detailed plans on how she wants to accomplish things. Bernie has been running for president for 3 years and still doesn’t…

It was a constitutional amendment.

Like everything else on Splinter, this is less about the merits of making your pitch to Fox News viewers than it is about “everyone copying off Bernie.” This shit is getting stale.

If Bernie is our nominee I will enthusiastically cast my vote for him. I just can’t understand why this site, specifically, keeps beating the narrative drum 2 years later that he was somehow robbed. He lost the primary by a large margin. Part of that is that his “unwavering base” couldn’t be bothered to show up and…

The fact that Derek Carr and Matt Stafford are getting paid more than Andrew Luck makes me physically sick.

Nice of Trump’s lawyers to draft something for a few good laughs before that firm goes right on ahead responding to a congressional subpoena.

If you are the lawyers for Trump about to go to the Supreme Court on this whole national emergency shit show, you really want to jump off a building right about now. The White House dismissed it as “an idea that was discarded quickly” and now president oatmeal brains just comes right the fuck out and says “yes, i find…

Seriously. You work in the White House AND you go on TV. You can’t tie a fucking windsor knot?

I actually found Biden’s response to be perfectly acceptable. I don’t even think he should be running (for unrelated reasons) but I’m kind of alarmed by all of the people wanting to crucify him for putting a hand on someones shoulder. How can you be outraged about this and not (for example) Bernie trying to deflect…

Wait, who was giving money to the DCCC besides big time donors anyways? 

I’m sure Simmons was also totally aghast when Kyrie Irving forced his way out of Cleveland to Boston.

“political insiders have been joining newsrooms for decades”

The “wink wink” stuff is where they get in trouble then and why no one should feel sorry for them. 

I think the most hilarious thing about this entire episode is how entirely avoidable it is. If you see something funny posted on twitter and you’re Barstool, just repost it with the twitter users handle or whatever somewhere in the post. Is your traffic going to grind to a halt because people all of a sudden think you…

It was incredibly satisfying.

“Sir”

“What are we going to do about IT?”

“the Baptist pastor has been dealing with a serious bacterial infection that hospitalized him in December.”