I would like to put all of her shoes in a place where she can't find them then sprinkle her whole home with Legos. I would also like to make the only music she is ever allowed to listen to every song featuring Pitbull or Nickleback.

Oh wow, so you know damn well what to get her next year?

Some Moms are a little touchier than others. If I sent this to my Mom, fireballs would shoot out of her eyeballs. It's one thing if she specifically asked for an opinion, but unsolicited and critical? Watch out!

This is the first I've heard at all of this first victim. I suppose it doesn't fit the police narrative that most media outlets were going for. I hope Ms. Thompson can find some comfort during her recovery.

Do gay Mormons get to have their own planet too?

Yeah, in many ways the non-obvious, baked-in racism is worse because it's more widespread and insidious. It still disenfranchises people, but it's harder for the oppressors themselves to see it, and I think it means a lot of people have deep-seated racial biases they don't even realize.

You know, he wasn't always the president. I mean, he used to be an Imam in Kenya I heard. maybe that's when the valet incident happened?

Question: How is anyone getting close enough to the POTUS to ask him to valet their car?

The souls of carolling children.

You could actually see them turn into eight-year-old boys over the course of the segment. So good.

That was way harsh, Tai!

My mom and I went to a New Kids on the Block concert when I was nine and a Public Enemy/Ice-T/Naughty by Nature/ATCQ/Queen Latifah concert when I was eleven.

I am a college graduate with a full-time job, no arrest record, no drug addictions, I've move out the of the house, and I live on my own. Aside from a few tattoos…

Fuckin' A, really? Let me fucking ask you a fucking question: does your fucking kid fucking read Jezebel? Is he fucking reading this right now? Does he fucking watch fucking movies or fucking play fucking video games or fucking have friends that fucking swear? If not, then congrats, you've fucking sheltered him. …

JT swears a lot? I guess this just happens at concerts because I have all of his cds (42 year old mom here) and I've only noticed one or maybe two objectionable words. Suggestive lyrics that a 10 year old likely wouldn't understand? Yes to that, in spades. But he really seems to be a genuinely decent, class act. …

I am legit crying over this shit. Stupid emotions. This is why I can't read or watch things at work!

Thank you for weighing in with this expert opinion, thus saving me the hassle of attempting to do the sex with any 40 year old men.

My favorite was the Gawker headline about it, asking if Leo fucked 20 women in one night. No. He's 40 years old. Unless he just stuck his dick in them a couple times each, he did not have sex with 20 women in one night. Maybe like...3. I have slept with 40-ish year old men, and the sex was amazing, one time a night,…

Stop it Leo. Just staahhhhhhhp. In middle school, at the height of Titanic Mania, I used to write and pass elaborate, boat themed, notes about how cute you were, that took hours (and more than one origami fold) to construct to my friends. A 40 year old man with a Pussy Posse is way more embarrassing than that.

sorry just imagining Tobey Maguire awkwardly picking up girls with Leo and giggling uncontrollably