The first time I saw this movie was on a Comedy Central broadcast in the mid-1990s. In those days they would show a movie several times in a month, so I resolved to record it on a VHS tape the next time. I watched that tape like 50 times.

My first name is Forest, and I got a lot of "Run Forest, run!" in middle school. Also a lot of "peas and carrots" if I met anyone named Jenny.

Tim Burton's brand of darkness is the kind that sells t-shirts at Hot Topic.

Every time I try a new restaurant, I always mentally sing:

Aw man, I'm too fat to be English!

Carrying along my big leather suitcase, and my garment bag, and my tenor saxophone, and my twelve-pound bowling ball, and my lucky lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel!

I actually read that earlier this week, and I was ashamed that I had never actually made that connection before. I'm pretty sure you're right though.

When I was in college I entered a lip-syncing contest with this song, because I know the whole darn thing by heart. It made me a very minor-league campus celebrity for a little while.

Today on the way to work I queued up like seven Weird Al polka medleys on my phone. It was a little like eating an entire half-gallon of ice cream in one sitting. Definitely a lot of polka before 8AM.

What I love about this song is how it makes an effort to be intelligent and well-reasoned in its language. It clarifies when it's being figurative, and uses point-counterpoint language to add an air of authenticity to everything. But of course it can never rise about the level of "we're great and you suck," because…

We ain't seen you around Burger World lately, so where you been man?

I thought a live dog mascot sounded awesome too, but then I found all of these Browns fans who apparently hate it? Granted, most of the hatred seems to be aimed at the name, but still! Live dog mascot!

Arkham Horror is a behemoth of a game. I've had my flings with it, but the biggest problem is that there are huge chunks of the game you end up never exploring, because you'll lose if you do. No one visits any locations that don't have clues. No one bothers to become sheriff. It's those little moments that give the…

I think I would be seriously disappointed if we weren't treated to an endless parade of progressively sillier sequels to this movie.

You there, fill it with petroleum distillate! And revulcanize my tires!

Awww, nothing gets chocolate out!

A boat horn is such a blunt arcane instrument that I cannot help but think that it would charm Jack White.

Yeah, I love the original movie as much as most Godzilla fans but I don't think Godzilla becomes the truly enormous pop culture force that he is without those 27 schlocky sequels. It's a little iffy to say that this is the definitive Godzilla movie when every single sequel takes it in the direction of "monster…

The only thing worse than a show getting cancelled is bringing it back and hearing the constant complaining about the quality of the new episodes.

My three-year-old son has sat through the entire series of Walking With Dinosaurs multiple times. I seriously doubt that anyone involved in this movie ever met a kid in their life, or else they would know that dinosaurs are always enough.