Noone towed him it could be done, but he got such a charge out of doing it. 

It took me tow long to get this pun.

More importantly, why is this news? Anytime a tow company gives me a tow I expect them to charge me.

We now live in a world where “losing a game of Madden” is now on the list of stats for “causes of a mass shooting”.

No, no. You just have to be patient. The truck on the right is going 64.99 mph. The truck in the left lane is passing at 65.02 mph. Doing some quick math -- boop beep boop beep boop -- the hill ahead will cause the truck on the left to slow to 64.88 mph so you’re going to be stuck behind them for 2.65 hours.

Don’t look at us Europeans, we had the horrors of concentration camps hammered into our heads for three quarters of a century now. It’s you Yanks being uneducated twats that allowed all this to happen, starting with the corruption and incompetence of the democratically elected government, the election of Cheetler and…

Does Barron’s t-shirt indicate he has been offered a position as advisor?

I scored 7 on the list. Fortunately I think creationism is bullshit and I’m a dope smoking middle aged homo so the threat I pose is limited.

The smart money says the administration didn’t know there was a South Sudan.

Here here! Like “used to” vs “use to”.

I ate a shoelace and it came out of my ass tied. I shit you knot.

4 more for the other side and you have the beginnings of one hell of a Thomas the Train Engine. Choo choo, motherfucker.

Train has been looking forward to the day when roads will accept wheels without their dull black condoms. The time for train to shine on the open road is now!

One of the F-117A's that still flies is flown by civilian LM pilots that operates out of Plant 42. I know this because the photo you posted of the 'Grey Dragon' flying at from head-on, was taken by a close friend of mine who was a boom operator. He's refueled that same plane multiple times over the Southwestern skies,…

GET OUT. GET OF MY INTERNETS. CALL YOUR MOM TO COME PICK YOU UP.