The Leafs don’t deserve this. Their town is terrible and everybody smokes crack there and I resent them so much and the people don’t know how to drive and their tower isn’t a tower it’s an antenna.

All I wanted to do was nap and beat off, Serta. IS THAT SO WRONG?!

As much as I dislike him as a player for very little reasons except the fact that I like my Hockey Men when they are Big and Strong and Manly and #BigLeague and never cry, it’s cray how perhaps the best player since Gretzky and Lemieux has spent it feels like half his career on the sidelines.

Pure (brown) gold.

Serious question: why are there so many cops surrounding coaches at the end of the game? And why are they always so hunky-looking? Like why does the coach need to be surrounded by a bunch of serious-looking police guys? Who are they defending him against?

Fun football fact on re:football tattoos:

As a Canadian, I gotta be happy were turning this boat of kindness around. Fuck kindness, let’s get some fists flying, motherfuckers.

Jesus. Took you so long to get there. But I laughed.

I think it’s about not antagonizing the bears any further. Ducks don’t care whether you swear or not, but the bears might get really pissed if you start throwing the f-bomb about them, you know?