i guess you don’t live in big truck country because a lot of people have a lot of weapons and could do a lot of damage and the left has like, rude words on the internet and a bunch of unarmed 20 somethings in black hoodies

ugh..come out the rural parts of pretty much any state. Im in Spokane. You might rethink this. Head up into the panhandle of Idaho or pretty much anywhere around here.

You are greatly underestimating the size, scope and resources of the Christian Dominionist movement in America.

They helped transform Wrigleyville from a naturally grown douche-bro neighborhood into a boring-as-fuck, cookie cutter, half-mile-long-ESPNZone, douche-bro neighborhood; and it’s amazing how much worse that is. 

He does have the complete package.

Between him and Sandusky it was a terrible place to be a kid.

That’s what you get when the team you preside over only wins an average of 94 games per season...

If the rumors about this Cubs team clubhouse was true, Maddon was the least of their problems.

good time to point out that Joe Ricketts is trash

Leading candidate for next manager 

I feel like apology parsing has serious potential to overtake baseball as our national pastime!

Sounds like perfect weather for a prestigious quadrennial soccer tournament!

The actual Tomsula Index is a list of businesses that will let you use their bathroom without having to buy anything. 

If I’ve learned anything from watching TV during my four-plus decades on this Earth, it’s that doing as you suggest will inevitably attract the attention of a super-secret government agency tasked with suppressing freaks like you, ya freak.  So be careful out there.

Hate to break it to you, but...the Bernoulli Effect is a factor but it’s only responsible for a fraction of the lift generated. The rest comes from airplane faeries.

Exactly. Sometimes you saw off a log so formidable it would be selfish to keep it to yourself. A friend will understand it, and a good friend will appreciate it.

poop is funny!

I heard a deafening iPhone camera click. What is the most reasonable explanation? Can I still be friends with him?

The Force is worthless if you can’t show off with it.

Orphan remains my greatest moviegoing experience. It was just a so-so thriller, but at the big reveal a tween/early-teen girl sitting down the row from us stood up and shouted ESTHER GOT TITTIES at the top of her lungs. It was incredible and probably the hardest I’ve ever laughed in public.