You are the sharpest tool in the shed.

I simultaneously hate and admire you.

Talk about strawmen. Going from celebration to the n word? Holy hell. What's an appropriate celebration to you? As you've surely never done anything resembling the skill required to play on his level you can kindly keep your opinions to yourself. 

You probably hate when batters admire their home runs, too, huh?

Get over yourself. He just scored in the biggest game he’ll ever play in. This isn’t American football. You see here in Europe, the players are allowed to have some fun after scoring.

counterpoint: it’s fun and awesome.

I think it’s great! I’m glad the refs didn’t take issue with a young All-Star getting his game on and get him fed to the rules when he hit the ground running. Yes, he’s looking kinda dumb with his finger and his thumb in the shape of an L on his forehead. But the years start coming and they don’t stop coming, so it…

If Shaq was “The Big Aristotle,” I guess this makes Lebron “The Big Plato.”

I’m going to be pissed if he comes out of the cave, sees his shadow, and gives us six more weeks of LeBronWatch.

Are the Jazz contractually obligated to draft dopey white guys if they’re available?

Grayson Allen was about the most Utah pick they could have possibly made. He is inextricably “scrappy” and “white.”

Adding "your mom" to those is funny.

Typical America, separating minority children from their mothers.

Fun fact: Phoenix can be humid as fuck. Why? Landscape irrigation.

76ers?

Obligatory:

He’s been playing in the Eastern Conference all along?

I wonder if there wasn’t some sort of understanding that Doncic’s willingness to come over was contingent on knowing the Kings weren’t going to take him. 

I think the world is currently at full level with Slovenian women with messaging problems.

The Dallas Mavericks are reportedly going to fall ass-backwards into a mouthwatering European prospect