Dude in the middle, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, comes the closest. 

I feel the same way. 

Wonder how many “sexual assaults” (not rapes, obv) the judge committed in his good college days?

I just want to burn it all the fuck down.  

Don’t blame yourself, its not the greatest joke.

These dudes have bespoke anal lube made specifically for their bodies’ pH and average ToF (time of fuck). 

Not the hottest in the country— but still hot for New England!

Dear Ann Landers: It’s July and 90F in New England (not one of the hotter places in the country). Should I switch to a summer weight lube, or maintain 10w-30 through Labor Day?

I bet those boys know their way around the anal lube section of Walgreens. 

I feel I can just wait it out a few years until I have a car that can drive itself.

“ I want other girls to not ever let someone do that.”

“one of the best songwriters of all time?” That’s a hot take.

100% can’t Would this enough.

Not to mention Trent Reznor and Eddie Vedder who now seem like the dads who bring the best food to the PTA potluck.

Billy Corgan, though.....drowned in bitterness at 26 and never swam out of it.

Natalie Portman was 18 in 1999 when he claims the brief romance happened.

If I have to hear another babified voice say "pika pika," I swear to God I will...grab up the offending grandchild and hug him to pieces. Didn't expect that, did ya?

I worked at an arcade as a teenager, right when Pokemon made its debut. Pokemon cards were a major part of my stock in trade. However, as I was 15 and the kids desperate for the cards were all under 12, I very firmly put it into the category of “kid shit” that I had no interest in.

These are all “I went to Italy” humble brags. Anyway, when I was in Italy I was underage so I couldn’t drink these. I think I did drink whilst in Germany.

When Kelly got her appendix removed did she yell out “ Steve Carrell !!!!”

How could you POSSIBLY have drank the Reformed Jax koolaid?? He spent the whole season trying to tear down James (who is also awful, bless this show) for....mentioning the very well known fact Jax cheated...? And his reactions to Brittany’s father and brothers last week was insane. He is a monster and will always be a…