I know I know. I'm sleep deprived, I should have know better

God this is my worst nightmare :( my kid turns one in January . I feel horrible for your friend

Jeez, you’re a dick. I could “afford” to have a baby, but I can't afford not to work. I have to put my kid in daycare. I have to let go of my anxiety a bit to be able to do my job as a mother, professional, and breadwinner. So eat a bag of dicks.

They really are, mine was plopped on me all slimy and red and angry! She was an ugly little potato with torticollis. But now that she’s 10 months she’s a beautiful chubby thing that at time looks like a cross between a Lego and Patton Oswalt

Well I found next years costume!!

So I’m dressing up my 10 month old as a monkey and me as a banana. Is it wrong to go trick or treating if I’m using her cute chubbiness as candy bait??

Ugh bangs are the worst!!! I got them in the midst of my post partum hair loss to cover up some very minor balding. The lady was like uh are you sure most people hate them. They looked awful on me. Here I am 4 months later finally growing out that abomination on my head

Why do I feel that this is the most milenial response to a bear I'll probably ever hear? I think it's her tone of voice

I've never read anything. So true in my life. Now my little vampire smiles when she bites me, the 9 month little booger

I felt one of those honest company diapers and I was like “fuck like that’s going to contain my belugas poop.” They feel so flimsy

I got mine manually scrapped out too! It hurt even with the epidural. Like getting punched from the inside

It happened to my mom with me, so we may have a genetic predisposition. Either way it's one of the reasons I'm stopping at one

This shit is no joke. It happened to me, and my doctor said it could happen again. If I hadn't stopped bleeding it would have needed an emergency hysterectomy. I didn't even know I had it until my placenta refused to detach after I gave birth

I thought that immediately. Those fuckers are going to ruin my ability to sneak in fried chicken or an in-n-out burger

I’m not a violent woman, but something about that woman’s face makes me want to smack her like this meme

I have a 7 month old and yeah that shit is boring as fuck, luckily she’s pretty chill so we take her everywhere. But staying at home while on maternity leave was taxing on my sanity. I miss my little beastie, but I’m glad I’m working

I honestly can’t fathom the pain you must have felt being so far along as you were. I hope you get your rainbow baby. My heart goes out to you

Any Time Any Place single-handedly contributed to my sexual awakening as a teen.

If I’m near a restroom I throw in there because that place smells like shit anyways. But honestly, I have these baggies similar to what you put dog poo in and I wrap it in that. My kid is breastfed so her poop is very inoffensive when it’s tightly sealed in her diaper. When she starts in on the solids though...I’m…

Truth, by the way, when looking at your name I don’t know if you 1) got cut both ways or the rhythm actually got you