Pooping, yes. Peeing too! Taking a relaxing shower. Having sex takes on entirely new dimensions of scheduling and sneakiness. Eating whatever you want without someone wanting some of it. Sleeping in late on weekends. Grocery shopping. Seriously, it’s like some kind of annoying chore before you have children, and then…

You don’t even have to have your own child. If you babysit a toddler (or sometimes just visit), they’re going to want to come into the bathroom with you. For my younger cousins and my best friend’s kids, I don’t bat an eye at it. For those I’m not as close to, I just make sure to lock the door.

things you will be able to do alone: none. this includes and is not limited to talking on the phone, writing an email, having sex, having sex with yourself, cooking, eating, sleeping, and anything else an adult human does. really: it’s all the things.

I used to babysit my neice all day when she was a baby, and I did that. I’d strap her up and put her in the bathroom while I took a shower, etc. I think it gets harder when they can walk, talk, and light themselves on fire.

Before they’re mobile, you can kind of leave them in the next room while you shower. That’s the biggest thing I’d tell my immediately postpartum self - take that long shower while he lays on a blanket on the floor - he’s not going anywhere. Once they start moving around, they either need to be in the bathroom with…

Most sane people stick the baby in a safe spot (pack and play or crib) with a couple of toys for ten minutes while they take a shower or go to the bathroom. With toddlers it can be a bit trickier, since they are crafty and more mobile.

Spilling. There’s so much spilling involved in parenting. I don’t think my kids are any more clumsy or messy than the norm, but we are constantly cleaning up spilled drinks and food.

You can actually be alone in the bathroom after you have kids because there’s this thing on the bathroom door called a lock. It’s okay to use it because there’s also nothing wrong with teaching your kids the concept of privacy.

We should team up and write a parenting guide.

You find yourself saying things like “you can play with your penis in your room, but not in the living room.”

I asked this in another thread! All my friends say they go for days without a shower, and I wonder how bad of a person I would be if I locked a child in babyjail (like a PackNPlay or something) while I took a five minute steam.

I too would be mortified. And I tend to be an unusually confident/comfortable person...although I still can’t bear to wear any clothes that go above the knee...so maybe not...

Also, “Here comes Mr. Penis Man!” when he enters a room.

My gut reaction was “oh my god! I’d have been mortified if my mom did that.”

My mother used to change hers in front of me as a young child. Weird I can still remember.

Banana pee! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I had a daughter, I’d be lost on this subject.

My kid (age 6) sees me naked all the time. I don’t think it even registers with her anymore.

I never get tired of this subject. (Not even just weddings, but cutting bad relatives out of our lives.) Out and about in in the world estranged adults of awful parents don’t have a lot of positive opportunities to talk about the estrangement, and it is so freeing to be able to be honest with our friends, coworkers,…

His parents. Seriously.