That is pure gold but honestly I would be drunk too if I was doing informercials. Would make selling stuff so much happier

see now that’s just good planning. the rest of it, no, but that is just practical thinking.

Was she also drunk when she named these things?

IIRC, the kidnapper said it was basically a test run. He wanted to practice and make sure he had the details down pat before going after a much higher value target.

I agree. Hello dear, you’re worth the equivalent of an older Hyundai.

Wanted to avoid the IRS form 8300 for deposits over $10,000

like, he’s gotta be paying something off. doesn’t just want a lot of money, he’s got debt in mind

But I feel like he’s a really considerate abductor, ya know? Only wanting $8,500, returning her after 2 days, stating that police should apologize. Probably 3/4 Canadian.

and what an oddly specific amount. couldn’t just round up to $10,000?

Oh my god, I cannot look away from that thing. It’s like watching an animatronic at Disney, only less lifelike. You can even see where the frame jostles and gets itself back into position.

But it also shows how desperate people have come in this era of income inequality. Not kidnapping rich people for ransom, kidnapping middle class people and asking for relatively paltry ransoms. That’s a damn big risk for a lower-than-minimum-wage payoff.

Also a perfect Lifetime Original Movie title for this story!

You’re almost there.

Oh please! A cat wouldn’t get caught in a cistern and make their friend spend a week trying to rescue it.

I was so angry at you for making me tear up, then I was like “Damn my eyes were dry and this feels good.”

This is why dogs are better than cats, people.

Red is always the best flavor. Any candy, it’s always the right choice (though I am on team black licorice)

I was really warming to Miley a few months ago. It seemed that she had dropped all the Black signifiers, started moving in an interesting musical direction, was a great advocate for homeless youth, she was Queer positive and sex positive and just living her crazy life.

No, sorry, red ones are best.

I can’t stand his stuff ever since he talked about “hate fucking a slut with a chainsaw” because “he’s him” and who could say no to that. Seriously. That's like something the villain in a Darren Aronofsky movie would say.