I have been single for many (MANY) moons now, but every time I think of having to share a bed I’m like “ehhhhhh.”

More of this! More families helping to raise families! I’m a mother who lives far from family and let me tell you, it is such a fucking gift to have support.

I have to be honest that I’m getting annoyed with a certain segment of parents who see parenting as the hardest, most noble thing ever. That no person’s life can be completed unless they have children. That motherhood is the highest honor for a woman. If that is what someone wants for themselves, great but understand…

Sometimes I fantasize about having an extra room all to myself and how I would decorate my “lady cave.” It would have a velvet couch, lacquered walls, sparkly textiles, a chandelier hanging from the ceiling, and a Champagne fridge.

I saw some comments on an article about this. As far as I could tell, some women who have pushed babies out of their vaginas saw it as an affront to their supreme sacrifice that anyone might compare what they’ve done to help others in life to actual Motherhood. It was like reading an entry on Shut the Fuck Up Parents…

otp tbh

Where she farts and snores as she pleases. Isn’t that what we all want?

woman does thing, is happy. society burns.

which, frankly, is #goals, don’t lie.

My favorite are the ones written by fucking morons. Like folks who go to a Spanish Tapas bar and complain they didn’t serve chips and salsa.

“Last September, Kylie couldn’t even get anyone to notice her because she had her old face...”

In my case, if we’re both standing, my wife is so much shorter than I am that the shoulder is pretty much the only place I can put my arm around. On the other hand, she’s the one who makes all the money and her name is on the mortgage, not mine, so we’re both pretty clear on who owns who.

I need to tell my wife, who sometimes throws my arm over her shoulder, that she’s wrong and should feel possessed.

Did anyone see the portrait of Donald Trump painted in menstrual blood? It gives me feelings. Like on the one hand, HAHAHAHA, but on the other hand he doesn’t even deserve the attention.

I am werided out if I am called by my taller half by my actual name.

Seriously, no Icee/Slurpee? Then, what's the point b/c that is all I want?

I call my fiance lovey dove sometimes. Nothing unique. My cat Henry is almost exclusively referred to as bunny or bun and the other, Charlie (an InTouch “Double Creature” celeb), is called monkey, Char-ding or Char-boy. Mostly I just call all three baby.

Ugh, what the fuck. I remember hearing about this but then I forgot because he’s too boring for me to remember anything about. What a douchebag.

She’s a corgi so of course. There’s “butt” in a few. Stinkbutt, fluffybutt, smoosh, maybs, shmayb, prettyprettyprettygirl, maybela, maybelline, boop, and oohboop. Share?