GREATEST STATE IN THE UNION FOR THE GREATEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD

Let’s do this except instead it’s every woman who has ever had an abortion and we demand the rights to our underpants area ready set go.

Abort every single person in this photograph.

He’s listening to this song on repeat right now and we have that in common.

IT’S OKAY I STILL LOVE YOU

Moriarty’s Marvin Gaye Cassette tape buying Plan B was the single most awkward and embarrassing thing I have ever seen. Like, dudes. It’s fine. Stop being so fucking weird about it. Mistakes happen, we buy it, we move on. You don’t have to act like we are giving a baby up for adoption.

Okay but like I kind of got a lady boner at how fucking Presidential she was like I’m not sure if I want Hillary as a President but holy shit does she do it w style.

I hope she got Meringue’s take out tho because that food is legit.

But she’s not from NJ. She’s from Maine. She just flew into Newark.

Don’t insult vaginas that way they bring me so much joy.

I bet he tries to Bernie Maddoff his way out of this situation because I would bet my 401K that money is gooooooooooooooooooone.

OH MY GOD THIS IS RICH.

THANK FUCKING YOU.

Yeah, kidnapping and beating someone for nine hours is the same as calling a person an idiot. Exactly the same. No difference whatsoever.

so she put a flash tattoo in her hair?

i lawled.

Does it have an Oscar?

“You’re not old enough to know how alienating casual sex can get”

Seriously. Like, tooth infections cause heart problems cause everything problems. And I have dental insurance! It just blows. Because I can’t afford good dental insurance. Every time I go to the dentist it costs like $200 because of my wack ass insurance, and I have gingivitis and close crowded teeth and mad cavities…

Air Force One is a significantly underrated movie.