RELEVANT:

BABA YAGA!! BABA YAGA!!

Ok, for the first letter writer: This woman sounds absolutely godawful and I’m not surprised you don’t like her. But if you’re getting intense pressure to invite her and you don’t want to navigate the family drama... can you hire her a babysitter for the night? Maybe everyone can chip in? Sometimes the cheapest way to…

That was absolutely my first thought too.

This just reinforces my existing belief that Glenn Close is entirely delightful. Look at this! This is the cameo of a person who is amazing at dinner parties.

I thought about Sean Young too! Because that completely blew up her career, but not Woods’ career, even though he was the one cheating on his wife. And while Young does seem a little odd (I’m gonna link to a recent interview below; she’s anti-vax and into chemtrails and other conspiracy stuff), NOTHING she did would…

They should call her Amber Damnblin because DAAAAAAMMMN

Me in my day-to-day life: “Like probably everyone else, I’ve been having a lot of apocalypse anxiety recently. Nothing like a summer full of natural and man-made catastrophes to make you realize how fragile civilization really is, how everything that’s important right now could become utterly meaningless in a survival…

I think the stereotype I was accused of was assuming that two Swedish people with the same name would be related to each other? But, like, they’re also both actors and at the right age to be father and son (which, you know, they are). It wasn’t like I met some random dude named Jim Skarskgard at the DMV and kept…

Wait, there are SIX OF THEM?! That’s like the Baldwins, only more so!

Both Rooney Mara and Joaquin Phoenix vaguely annoy me, despite both of them being pretty good actors. I mean, she voluntarily played Tigerlily and he’s a Casey Affleck enabler, and neither of them belong in a movie about Middle Eastern people unless it’s a satire about how movies usually cast someone pretty…

I generally don’t take advice from dudes who go around punching ladies in the face. That’s a rule I feel pretty good about having.

What? Ok, in the HIGHLY unlikely event that I was on a submarine with one other person and they died, I would keep the body on board and bring it the fuck back, because if I just threw it into the ocean LITERALLY EVERYONE WOULD THINK I MURDERED THAT PERSON because that is SUSPICIOUS AS FUCK.

Oh, that wasn’t a knock on you! More of a knock on Hollywood’s stupid beauty standards. She’s perfectly adorable, she’s just not toothpick-skinny like the rest of the lady cast. I really like Alyson Hannigan in that part (Willow is my favorite character and her comic timing is magical), but, like, Whedon could have…

Right? I think David Duchovney is kinda skeezy, but he still backed up Gillian Anderson when she wanted equal pay on The X-Files. William H. Macy backed up Emmy Rossum for Shameless in the same way. And neither of those guys are like, “Me big feminist hero!” If you’re supporting women in theory, you have to support…

I mean, she’s “heavier” in the sense that she’s like a size 8 instead of a tiny petite ballerina.

Oh hon. That is awful and I’m so sorry.

OK, maybe Dane DeHaan is just one of those actors who always seems 100% modern and can’t do period pieces (though Zach Galifianakis looks weirdly authentic, who knew?). Maybe I’m just old now. Maybe it’s because he’s approximately 57x better at acting. But I am definitely finding Christoph Waltz the more appealing of…

Are you, perchance... Woody Allen?