The Cardinals are the Lions with a Super Bowl appearance. 

Look.

The Cardinals ARE built for Super Bowls....


...when you hack Madden and change all their stats and play on Easy Mode.
Maybe in a league with six teams.

And they’re my home team.
Please send condolences.

First Gronk retires, then Kraft is set up in a sting, then Kyrie leaves, and the Bruins lose a lay up Stanley cup.  This town is cursed!

YEEESSSSS I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE STILL ALIVE, DREW

A tradition unlike any other...

Thank you kindly. I have been quite tempted to do something like that, but I feel like I would have to actually reveal my identity to do it. And considering that I am very open with my progressive politics, I would not like being in a position where my job and my politics could be conflated. I feel like there would be…

I can answer the first question, because that’s one of mechanics and not policy.

These maniacal rodents are ruining my profession. It’s already difficult to be in law enforcement these days, but on top of sabotage from within like this.

You forgot Fuck Biff, Fuck Mitch, and Fuck Pence, but spot on otherwise.

Dear Europe;

Fuck. Those. CBP officers.

I like horror movies, but to me they don’t work to their best effect in a theater so I don’t generally watch horror in theaters. So my biggest scare from a theater viewing is from Jurassic Park, when Samuel L. Jackson’s arm falls out of the breaker box onto Laura Dern’s shoulder and just as you’re processing OH GOD…

Ugh, seriously. My 11-year-old daughter wanted to “watch a scary movie” so I started light and ramped it up. Have yet to find one that she considers “scary.”

I shit you not, she openly giggled at the chestburster scene in Alien and declared it “cute.” Veronica Cartwright needed three hours to get herself together after…

Some movies just really need the theater experience. Years ago they did the original Jurassic Park in IMAX and since I’d never seen it in the theater I got a group of people together and went. It was an incredible experience, especially the sound. The t-rex’s first big roar rattled my bones and basically had me…

The power station scene in Jurassic Park.  I was 7.  

Runner up would be the T-Rex attack in Jurassic Park

My biggest public scare as a kid was Jurassic Park when the raptor jumps out after Laura Dern gets the power running again, but there’s some backstory involved.

I’m a wimp, so, anyways:

The biggest scare I ever had in the theater? It would have to be The Exorcist. Followed by The Omen. There are those who would say that this is the lame, obvious choice. And I guess it is. But there are reasons why songs like Stairway to Heaven and Freebird always come out on top for Best Rock n’ Roll Song of…