he wants those kind of hits banned?

I believe the children are our future.

His later unconfirmed statement:

I was going to comment that Brits are horrible at speaking Spanish (or really any language, including English), but it turns out she’s not British anyway, so her Spanish might have been alright. Except that last bit ruined it for sure.

As someone who learned Spanish from a robot who doesn't actually speak Spanish, what would be a better way to say it? (Genuinely interested)

How else is she supposed to let everyone know how fluent she is in Spanish?

Deep cut.  Nice.

[10 second sigh]

I thought he looked like John Wayne.

Right. He just gets the “Mission Complete” banner.

I have just about knocked myself out stepping on a rake, it's so painful and humiliating

Nice!

HALLUCINATING THERE ARE SNAKES IN SCROTUM SO HE RUBBER BANDED HIS TESTICLES SO THEY DON’T ESCAPE

PLAYING BASEBALL WHEN ACCIDENTALLY STRUCK OWN TESTICLES SWINGING A BAT

• FELL OFF TOILET, FELL ONTO A MOUSE TRAP, TRAP CLOSED ON PENIS

SOMEONE STEPPED ON A RAKE AND ITS HANDLE STRUCK HIM IN THE TESTICLES

SMASHED PENIS IN BETWEEN TWO WHEELBARROWS

TIED OFF HIS TESTICLE AND PENIS WITH STRING TO KEEP HIS HARDON DURING SEX

+1 Sports

That’s not... what?