BUT THERE’S THAT ONE MIT GUY.

I feel you, breh. I focus on Sessions because he can have my medical marijuana when he pries it from my cold, dead fingers. Hey, that’s kind of catchy. Maybe I’ll make it into a bumper sticker!

So are all these senators and governors with a R behind their name going to stand up and tell Sessions how full of shit he is? Because it’s attitudes like his that literally kill their constituents? Not holding my breath.

Let’s say you’re a dude and you have a surgery coming up that will cause you to be out for multiple months in the near future. That’s not something that can be tested for, but it would be pretty shitty if you didn’t disclose it in the hiring process. Testing’s a bit much, but you do think a prospective employee has…

It’s a not-at-all veiled reference to Sanctuary Cities....

This fucking guy. I loathe him more than Trump and Pence put together.

Ah, the notorious They:

And who says drug abuse is “no big deal?”

Or maybe most women who deal with harassment that they’ve resigned themselves to seeing as a matter of course in their fields don’t talk to you about them.

What he might be trying to say is that white male STEM types tend to be assholes to everyone, not just women. And he wouldn’t be wrong.

I’ve never understood why someone would confront the person their SO is having an affair with instead of...their SO. Like, OK, so the other person leaves your SO alone. You’re still stuck with your shitty cheater of a SO.

OK, how about Michelle Yeoh then?

You asked for a female lead beating up dudes and not being a sex kitten. That’s what I gave you! And it really is an amazing movie....

But then why not have her wear a tux as well instead of heels and a mini skirt?

Of course, but I just want ONE MOVIE where the female lead beats up lots of dudes and isn’t in sex kitten mode throughout the entire film :(

Right? I grew up in the midwest, where we used to joke that there were only three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup. And then my family moved to the west coast, where I got exposed to a ton of different food. And the grocery stores were better stocked. I remember my grandmother (who was raised on a farm) coming out…

Sure, it’s good salami, but it’s still salami and nothing someone like David Fucking Brooks would pay $15 for if it was called salami. It gives me a gourmet sandwich shop idea, though. I’ll make a grilled torta con queso and charge the upper class twits $16.50 for it.

You win.

Making fun of David Brooks is one of the few joys I have in our current political hellscape. Please let me enjoy it for a minute before we have to go back to the regularly scheduled shitshow.

It’s a David Brooks column, so the answer to your question is, yes. The fact that he doesn’t realize that he is a parody is what makes them funny.