Reporter: "What is your name?

[Meanwhile, on OkCupid]

*pushes Brad Ausmus in front of oncoming bus*

Not to sound racist, but Peyton is the biggest douchebag in the world.

"Who are the ad wizards that thought of this one?"

-10 for using the possessive of American unnecesssrily

C'mon, get out! I can't see her. Move! Do you even understand why we're in this pool?

Maybe I'm an idiot, but this seems to me to be the essence of what's wrong. They have scantily clad lovely young women cleaning the ice, who they treat like shit. The women complain. They get bad press. They respond by getting rid of the women. Am I stupid, or does it seem like the fucking obvious answer that is so…

Ah, fuck it. Yes! That's your answer! That's your answer to everything! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your revolution is over, Ms. Greene! Condolences! The bums lost! My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, madam! The bums will always lose, do you hear me, Greene? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS LOSE!

Roaches are red.

If you're disciplining a one year old, you aren't even fucking trying to parent.

They should suspend him without pay.

Former Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura also called for Peterson's suspension, not because of abuse allegations, but because he was partially responsible for 9/11.

The "Congratulations, assholes." at the end is great.

.

You're* wrong. Don't matter who you are, that's not how you grammar.

Not all college athletes are criminals, but if you're not a criminal Urban Meyer doesn't want you on his team.

So you can't switch him for another player?

I guess you're stuck with him all day.

I kind of think our treatment of Aboriginal people is pretty shameful, but to each their own.