Let his epitaph read: "He tried to rape his victim, but could not attain an erection." Rot in prison, limp dick.

Lacky: "Welker popped Molly"

This article is so stupid that I'm going to close my browser and get back to work.

Maybe Brown didn't read the washing instructions. Anyone that owns a redshirt knows not to mix it with whites.

His knee looked more out of place than a black guy at a Kenny Chesney concert

In reading that New York Times article, this stuck out to me:

She got caught by an AAD reading a Deadspin post on her work computer this morning, and, well, with the graphic pornography and gore shots in the comments she pretty much had to be fired.

I heard there wasn't any grass on the field.

PLEASE LET THEM KNOW VIA AN ANONYMOUS BURNER ACCOUNT, THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE FOR!!

He's going to have to suffer the csontequences.

The dude who got hit lost a tooth and broke his jaw in three places, which he had to have wired shut.

I can't believe people still think this bullshit is funny. It's not funny at all. It's fucking childish and juvenile. I just want to select my favorite football boys to play on my imaginary team in peace for fuck's sake.

Nah, some of them call for "lots and lots of cheap red wine."

I find Futbol pointless and insipid. I find it's supporters to be full of shit snobs who act like you have to be a member of Mensa to "get" their game. I find the skinheads and other acts of blatant racism that permiate your sport to be disturbing. I think using penalty kicks to decide "the most important trophy" in…

It's called football. You don't have to call it "American Football" unless your goal is to sound like you have a Union Jack stuffed up your ass and a spot of tea brewing up.

Please, continue on how you don't like things that other people like.

With all due respect, I hate you.

It was the first of three balls that Upton would get her hands on that night.

Ever since he got with her he couldn't give a shit how he pitches and I don't blame him.

It's spelled 'fahkin' Albert. The 'h' is (wicked) important.