Borat is the best thing ever. And God bless Cohen and Fisher.

Borat doesn’t require forgiveness. Bruno, on the other hand . . .

* I recently found out that the Chupa Chups logo was designed by Salvador Dali and am still not over this

I’m just gonna steal one of your lines real quick:

We actually don’t watch that. We are addicted to the British Baking Show and Death in Paradise.

This is the insidiousness of false equivalency.

it’s bad. There’s not a single person running that I feel is capable of running this country on a competent level.

should we go over her corruption as a lawyer, as a First Lady, during her time in Obama’s admin.? Take your pick. She’s just as dirty as the rest of them. Trump and Carson are the only ones she’s better than... but so is pretty much everyone else. I mean, if you want to ignore her record on every level and the…

Was no one minding the store?

Scrimshaw and chill

Saw a guy in a restaurant wearing a shirt with a picture of the Confederate Flag that said “If this offends you then you need a history lesson”. I wanted to tell him that he needed a history lesson that was taught in a Florida public elementary school.

I mean if Ted Cruz or Donald Trump gets elected, I am pulling this car over and everyone has to walk home from here.

etchings and chill

Last year I was a big hit with the nieces and not with their parents with a book of 300 knock knock jokes. This year was a Simon game, sent with extra batteries.

In the immortal words of my friend’s then 5-year-old, “I’m not going to die until I’m really, really, really old. Like 30.”

I still don’t understand BAE, basic and bia. Please, someone enlighten me on these nonsense terms I will never use other than to ask what the fuck they mean.

No that is what Netflix and chill mean. 100%.

I got a senior citizens reaching tool because I can’t always reach the top shelf at the grocery store. It was totally not a gag gift. I’m 5’4”, thats not exactly super short! I can’t help it if the shelves are set for a basketball player. Lamest Christmas in a long time.

Well yeah, but this is Madonna. :) Her Instagram account is kind of a nightmare of impropriety for the general population.

It’s like the song!