My parents told me porn would make me go blind, turns out porn may save the country. Yay America!

Was that two fingers? Wasn’t that bad, it/they went right back. Some swelling but shit, at least it/they wasn’t/weren’t broken. Not too terribly stomach turning

Fuck Apple Fest

It’s actually a beautiful place and great school. But if you can get into Cornell Law, aim higher

Ithaca is fantastic. Great parks, amazing gorges. Used to bartend down there. Loved it

Fuck you. You don’t live here, don’t talk shit about us

It’s Upstate, he was referring to black people, I left out the multiple uses of racial slurs intentionally

Brother, garbage plates alone make Rochester a city worth living in

I live in Syracuse.

I hate that I live in Syracuse. My team is in the top 5 (obviously not Syracuse) and now I have to listen to these Labatt drinking, Hoffman eating motherfuckers say, “if they would give ‘cuse a fair shot WE’D be national champs, but they wanna hold us back!”

As long as “mostly good” is code for weed and hookers for Jeff, AND ONLY GOOD WEED! REAL GODDAMN WEED, NOT K2 OR ANY OF THAT FAKE SHIT!

You win the internet today Jeff. You win good sir

Holy shit dude

Holy shit. Take your star you glorious bastard

Hey! It’s Shea in Irving!

Yes. My head is on goddamn fire right now because of this. Good lord

The problem here is I can’t tell if this is 100% serious or 100% sarcastic. If the latter, bravo. If the former, Jesus Christ read a book

Oh fuck you

Hey Zack, just wanted to let you know you’re a cunt. Leaning across a kid like that. Go fuck yourself, and I’d be right next to LPShea ready to punch you in the dick

Mike Pence is a cunt