They call him the “legendary” Ron Dayne, because when he got to the NFL, we found out that he didn’t really exist.

I’m sure the Rams are doing this on purpose so that people will be dying for a nice new stadium and be willing to pay $500 for nosebleed seats to watch a crap team by the time it opens in a few years.

I had a ballsy sit last night. Honestly, it hurt really bad. I couldn’t breathe for a few minutes. I can’t imagine why you’d love them, but to each his own, I guess.

The focus on roughing the QB was either last year or the year before, so the reffs are free to ignore it now.

I gotta be honest, it’s stupid as shit but yeah, if I were a billionaire I’d build a 50 foot statue of myself overlooking everything. I’d put that shit on top of a building and have a deadman switch installed, so that when I kicked it, the statue would fall 80 stories and hopefully crush a bunch of people who came to…

Dammit, my hair’s the wrong kind of blonde! (It’s more of a sandy type, the producers who hire these girls prefer the bottle)

Maybe they’ll cover against OSU? But then again, that will require them to score on a real defense . . .

I’m crying on the toilet, and I didn’t even have Chipotle yesterday.

I moved overseas from Southeast Texas before the start of middle school and went to a fancy international school. To this day, I still get scared to eat lunch by myself, because kids can be so cruel. This story reminded me that there are good people out there.

Great. Now I want to go to McDonalds.

Are we sure Travis Rudolph goes to Florida State? Florida State? Florida State? Bobby Bowden, Deion Sanders, Jameis Winston, etc? Tomahawk Chop, crab legs, sexual assault, etc? Are you sure? Is he sure?

What a relief. As a USC alum, I was getting worried we weren’t going to get any players arrested this season.

.

Wow. They already have one QB who can’t stand up; why add another?

Somebody better check on Drew.

That sound you heard was Drew Magary spiraling down a vortex of sorrow.

Can’t

As it turns out, Dr. Pepper should not come out one’s nose. You have ruined my Friday-afternoon caffeine and I shake my fist at you for this.

Roethlisberger looks like someone tried to make Will Ferrell in Fallout 4 but fucked up.