Allenby actually changed his story today. He said he had an allergic reaction to the wine, which led to his blackout and his sore anus.

I'd like to thank God for allowing me the opportunity to compete in Round Two of the Ultimate Super Bowl Snack Playoffs.

That's why he's smiling.

Can't agree with that. It's all a mental game. You need to tell everyone how much running relaxes you while being the most anal, uptight person in town.

Makes sense. Everything's fatter in Wisconsin.

I'd like to thank God for the opportunity to vote on these salty snacks.

God eats red meat and drives a pickup truck. Don't fucking forget it.

We've all been there - 26 years old, a Super Bowl ring, about to make $20MM a year. Hard times.

Honestly, who hasn't looked like that after a long night at a wine bar?

The police later identified the man buying alcohol with Robert Allenby's credit card as Robert Allenby.

Of course they had a murderer on their roster. Makes sense.

Each team is also required to have one player who has been arrested in the wrong part of town.

Miami's got a 6'10" Spanish guy who is becoming eligible in a week or so. http://www.cbssports.com/collegebasketb…

I was expecting bigger guns.

She seems happy.

Never ask a question and declare war on those who do. You will win this war. You will have many allies.

Linda Cohn would have just swept the leg.

Let's hope he's okay with retirement.

Flea market enthusiast?

HELLO ... Hello ... helloooo.... This isn't Deadspin. Is this a wormhole? Help! HELP! What if I wake up next to that monster? In the name of all that's holy (aka Peyton Manning), get me out of here!