Being a teenager isn't easy. My brothers and I had to take turns pimping out Mom.

They seem to love him in Chicago. Let's hope he stays there.

If he shot his dick, she'd be whistling a different tune.

That was no accident. He's been fighting with that finger for years.

Goddammit. Where's my dick?

Funnel cake

Jerry Jones has scouts everywhere.

Hotel California is an acceptable alibi for felony offenses in 39 states.

He's got lady hands.

Needs more Jeter.

Show me your tits.

"In the case against SoCal, I direct the members of the jury to Exhibit #719, a frequent and recent commentor (sic)."

Bite me, Katy.

Watching the SEC pre-game crowd. So if you have male titties, are you required to grow a goatee?

False: A cunt can turn into a trap!

Yep, the little lady makes some great head cheese.

Mmm, feisty...send pics.

I've taken shits bigger than St. Louis.

"For Halloween? An infected penis. Why?"

I come to Deadspin for blow jobs and lollipops.