Wow, what a clever way to start this post. The “he is black” part is SO bold, it reminds me of the first time I came across thst style, I think it was a junior high newspaper. You really nailed it.

This is huge, more details please! Stuff like this is what makes Deadspin great.

I would have thought that Moose would have defended the coach from Reggie, that dick.

Great story, nice reporting on the prom angle. It was confusing to you then, and it’s confusing to you now, right?

Haisley is some type of foreigner and has the brain of a flea, he wouldn’t be expected to figure that out.

Great story, shit pole!

Todd Hollandsworth is involved in Cubs broadcasts, too, which is even more of a mockery!

Theo Epstein is a genius!

This is Deadspin, so yes.

This is the type of article that you write, and then think, man, I need a new gig.

Another great article asshole.

This is the kind of shit that makes Deadspin great. In a high school newspaper kind of way. Keep up the good work, kids!

Great article, ass breath!

Dammit, I tried to get this show cancelled, but I was doing my Kanye voice. Big mistake by me.

Read it a little slower, maybe one word at a time, then maybe you'll understand, asshole.

Can you explain how addition works?

Thanks for this, Julio. Amazing writing, glad you could stay awake.

Amazing article for those who don't have tv, thanks. You guys constantly amaze me with how you're able to see things that everyone else can see, and link to those things. Incredible!

Classic new Deadspin, what should he have done with the money? You guys are morons/assholes. Lots of people work at Rent-a-center and play the lottery. Fucktards, I remember when grown-ups ran this site.

Must have been fucking awesome.