She also goes on to explain that this is game she herself played with men she wanted to have sex with (saying no, but only to facilitate the “cat and mouse” game she, and many other women to their own peril, have been taught is part of the courtship ritual). Coupled with the fact that men are trained to believe…

That’s really interesting—I was thinking of a study that was done where men would freely admit to rape as long as it wasn’t outright labeled “rape.” (i.e., they’d answer “yes” if someone asked them “have you ever had sex with someone who didn’t want to have sex with you?” but “no” if they were asked “have you ever…

Yes, for sure. I was actually going to bring up the term “sexual assault,” because I think it’s often a more useful term. In part because (broader definition aside) it doesn’t have the same history and connotations as the word “rape.” Rape has been so sensationalized, and even romanticized and eroticized, that it’s a…

Not only that, but I’m SO sick of this notion that we ‘weren’t really serious when we said no repeatedly’ if we do not swing our fists or kick.

It's amazing what people are capable of deluding themselves into believing. In this case I think it's as others have described, they think the potential partner is playing coy and if they keep trying eventually it'll happen.

I’m a married guy who was in the awkward position of having a tipsy woman feel up my chest in the street. I swaer I just froze with anger and embarrassment. It wasn’t until she was out of earshot that I said “please don’t touch me”. I understand this story completely and I do think this woman was raped. She was just…

Put it this way: Submission is not Consent.

So, what word SHOULD we use? I’ve had three sexual encounters that are VERY similar to this. I froze, and just let the person do whatever they wanted hoping that it would be done, asap, and we could move on. Looking back, in at least two of them, I would say that the person violated me. The third, the guy recognized…

I read something a long time ago that “freezing” is an evolutionary response it’s basically playing dead. Some of our ancestors fought their way out of danger,some ran,and others would just play dead and hope they would be passed over.

And the fact that the response that can sometimes follow: surrender. When it becomes inevitable, inescapable, or unsafe to do anything else, bodies surrender.

It’s not unimportant in the context of rape law reform though. The law used to be that for there to have been a rape, the woman must have physically resisted. Thankfully, those laws have been reformed everywhere (I think) in the United States.

The problem I have with this is that she does not say she froze or that she was afraid. In fact, she is actually quite explicit that she was not afraid.

Enthusiastic consent is great! If there’s (ongoing) enthusiastic consent there cannot be rape. The converse isn’t true: lack of enthusiastic consent doesn’t mean that there was rape.

I took a sexuality course in undergrad through the sociology department and at least half the students, men and some women, started questioning if they had done that to others. I wish the course had been mandatory for freshman.

I can’t even say how many times I’ve frozen up and have been unable to speak in confrontational situations. Later of course, I chide myself for not saying something and feel guilty that I somehow am responsible for not doing so. The author though told him “no” many times before the situation happened though and he…

This. This a million times. “Freeze response” is legitimate and completely ignored, sometimes undermined, by society.

Thank you! I don’t know why we talk about “fight or flight” but never freeze, which is far more common.

This is why people (rightly) promote the “enthusiastic consent” standard!

I remember teaching this during training at work, and so many of the men just got looks on their faces like "I've done that before."

“Freezing is a third fear response recognized in the field of psychology but, for some reason, missing from public discourse. Someone tries to put a hand on me; I’m uncomfortable, but I can’t move or speak. “No” is not clear.” http://ladyclever.com/culture/freezi…