I could NOT get through “Gone Girl”. I hated the writing. I watched the movie instead, and that’s not normally my style. NO RAGRETS.

Google is your friend.

cc: whoever is writing Jurassic World 2

Thanks Maud, way to make me look even less dextero...DOH! /heel catches on curb

The Patriarchy Approves[tm]

The problem is that literally not a single one of his actions suggests that he has grown up, and instead he’s acting like he deserves to be forgiven when he has done absolutely nothing that would incite forgiveness. He still plays the songs, he still uses problematic slurs, and we are supposed to absolve him because…

Yeah. I can pretty much agree with this sentiment.

I’m trying to have dinner but I’m laughing too hard right now. If there’s ever a “worst fart situation” pissing contest, you’re a serious contender.

When I go running, I fart. A lot. Normally I am running by myself so I just let them rip without shame, or until I am at least far enough away from the person running past me to claim a smelt it dealt it situation. So one night I had gone for a 5 mile jog at this park near my house (shout out to Green Lake) and I…

Yessss. I love you for bringing Saga into this.

I love lying cat.

“I do not believe mothers and daughters should be separated.”

As time goes on I am noticing that my eyerolling is getting too involved and giving away my true feelings.

There’s been some really interesting research done on gossip from a sociological perspective recently, and the results are a bit surprising: academics have found is that, broadly speaking, gossiping with friends is good for your health, and that people who gossip tend to live longer. Even more interesting is that…

I hit a certain age a few years ago where I suddenly have zero tolerance for people talking shit about other people. Maybe because it just feels so pointless? Like, find something else to do with your time?

Okay so generally I make fun of Kevin Smith ruthlessly and I can’t stand any of his movies (not even Clerks or Mallrats!) but damn that was a pretty good tweet.

The hipster coffee shop here has this. I’m like, thanks, but i just ate a spinach feta croissant and I need to check my teeth.