Thank you, why is this not obvious? If you’re getting date rape threats, etc. maybe reevaluate the dudes you’re swiping right to?

I kinda love that shirt tho so

Watch out, prime minister of malaysia

This is amazing and as someone who previously taught middle school, hang tough. You are a good soul.

I think they did - there was a throwaway line. Something like “Johnny Depp likes my paintings”, after they mocked Zodiac for building his own mythology.

Hot Take: Famous multi-millionaire treats others like crap. Quelle surprise!

Thank you. I was like...this is a journalistic outlet with presumable access to other websites on the internet, right? Which would show that Jenny and Johnny have been together for years.

This is so interesting. I’m so glad someone finally put a name to what is happening to my parents. I joke with people but it’s legitimately scary.

Pick a size!? *heart eye emoji*

I can’t believe no one has commented on the absolutely perfect and absurd caricature this person is:

God thank you all the anecdata is annoying af

I made a quiche! Pie crusts helpfully come with tins to encourage future pie-shaped cooking! Unfortunately I was too lazy to crumble the bacon, or buy fresh spinach, so it didn’t turn out as well as it could have. Which has not stopped me from becoming a monster and devouring a slice for every meal...

God if this wasn’t here and starred to death I was throwing in the towel

Starred for the perfect use of a Dr. Cox gif, which I see entirely too rarely

This is so perfect and wonderful ahaha

Was your former boss Michael Scott?

At San Diego State’s student & parent orientation in 2006 the frat table that was (ostensibly) trying to dive into parental pocketbooks had a banner that said “Tighter than your little sister”

My ex’s ex called him when her dad passed away and I gave my blessing for him to give her a call. Little did I know, he LET HER COME OVER and cry on him. Which I didn’t find out about until about a year later. Like a tiny relationship EMP.

My ex-boyfriend had (has) one of these. I found screengrabs of her bikini instagrams on his phone. But they’re just friends, of course.

They’re nothing compared to bird law, however.