Tia and Tamera seem to have had Joan Crawford’s lighting experts on the job when they were born:

Awww, sleep well tonight, New Home Bruce.

I hope Bruce is perched on a stack of velvet pillows in his new home. He deserves the best, adorable chonkmonster lovebucket that he is.

Back in the late seventies, a local deli had cute names for everything on the damn menu. Milk was named “Osmond Juice,” which: ick, on about seven different levels.

.

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“Awesome.”

: /

I have a friend who, every time a doorbell rings, says, singsongily: “It’s Johnny Camareerrrrrrrrrrriiiiii.”

I use mine to check on my chickens in their coop. They don’t get to complain about privacy, or I won’t clean up their poop.

Ohhh, look at me, I let slip that I have a boyfriend, and he has hands.

His acidic turns in Law & Order, opposing Sam Waterston, were some of the best episodes.  He was also married to Linda Lavin for over a decade, and I don’t know for sure, but I’m guessing those were some shouty years, given both of their loud personas (I really like her, too, despite Alice.)

I think if Law & Order was still on, you know there’d be an episode where “Shariana” chops “Shrankie” into horrid bits and feeds him to the seals in the Central Park Zoo. At the end of the episode, Jack McCoy would shake his head at whoever he was presently having an inappropriate relationship with and as the elevator…

He’s just so fucking hideous, in every way possible, inside and out. He has hideous internal organs.

Hi! I’ve missed your cackle! Although Frankie is no laughing matter.

Does he usually look like Frankie Grande? Because that can’t help.

...gnawing its way out.

I was ridiculously worried that the zip code wouldn’t get there in time.

Nuh-uhh, it means the bullet makes a noise like a samurai sword being pulled from a sheath, then sparks and pancakes and slides off. God, you’re dumb.

Wow. She seems... insufferable. What show did she think they were making?