Livejournal is tha shiznit. My dudes.

“I’m really enjoying being... like just a normal white, heterosexual guy who gets to inhabit the center of the story universe...”

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Where... h-how did you see his back hair?

Just wondering: when he eats the flying insects, does he spit out the crunchy exoskeletons and wings, or do they just pass through, undigested?

“The idea that these invading children, these foreign bodies, become ground meat served to prisoners, is hyperbole, frankly. I mean, there have always been a lot of foreign bodies in hamburger meat, it’s just how it works. And we don’t know it’s being served to prisoners: that just sounds unnecessarily sinister. It…

Kelly Sadler: “I saw Goody Schlapp consorting with the Devil!”

Schoolyard? More barnyard: they remind me of my chickens. Perpetually freaked out, picking on each other for sport, fighting over non-existent “prizes.”

There’s a poppy snake in a dressing room

We’re okay now, right? Or is this one of those two-day/requires flowers things? Help me out here, babe, I’ve got external genitalia. Pretty impressive external genitalia, if you recall... just sayin’. C’monnnnn. Smile, that was funny.

“One thing I don’t need

Fucking Finns. I knew I hated those bastards for a reason.

“I hope you’ll join us on our adventure by voting for us (you can even vote up to 50 times a day!)”

If my mom were alive, she would have said this, exactly.

I can’t stop laughing at this:

I give the shrimp the pamphlet I got with my colonoscopy, and then I leave the room for a little while. I’m not a savage.