In seventh grade, I went sobbing to the school nurse and informed her I was dying of meningitis after self-diagnosing via the school library. She was very nice, took a look and told me I had a very small bug bite on the back of my neck and that I would likely survive. (Spoiler: I did.)

Competition!

And the satin Regis Philbin tie. The whole thing just says “Smite me now and save the world.”

It felt like a very sweet interperative dance tribute to Lisa Loopner.

Gawd, who wears white to a totality? So embarrassing.

Any time anyone goes missing in the state of Wyoming, the first place that should be checked is Wyomissing, PA. BECAUSE WHY ELSE NAME IT THAT

I hated his whiny, mealymouthed, greasy character in Six Feet Under, and he was so visually putrid in 30 Days of Night. He’s nasty, nasal, and looks inbred. Just no.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

I don’t care for that filter he used.

• You have the perfect highlights in your hair but the eclipse sun bounces off of it and burns everyone around you

You live in a shack and you’re married to David Straitharn and it’s the one time he plays a drunken hick asshole, who molests your daughter and hits you in the kidneys with a board while you’re making supper, and “all you’ve got to survive is being a high-riding bitch,” because you were written by a man.

With the reply: “CANT BE TO CAREFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!” from the exclamation point doyenne who advises against giving things away for free, every time (“People who bring money aren’t going to kill you!!!!!!!”.)

For “Eeek.”

As owner of “Pappy’s Runaround” in East Urinal, Nebraska, I take great offense to your comments. Obummer made me have to take out the insurance on my three waitresses and now that I knocked two of ‘em up (Darla is too old and too smart mouthed) why I can barely afford my $4 prime ribb* special and who’s gonna serve it…

Is it “Bulb”? Please let it be (whispered) Bulb Jolie-Pitt.

He put a huge marble bowl of green apples on a table and told her to steal it, then lie and sob about how she didn’t. SHE KNEW HOW THIS WORKED. You don’t get to keep the apples or the bowl.

“THE APPLIANCES AREN’T STAINLESS, ICK, I LIKE AN OPEN PLAN SO THE CHILDREN I’LL HAVE SOMEDAY CAN PLAY WHILE I COOK, I CAN’T ENTERTAIN IN THIS DINING ROOM, I DONT LIKE THE COLOR IN THE MASTER BEDROOM, OH MY GOD ONLY ONE VANITY, WHO CAN LIVE LIKE THIS I WANTED HARDWOOD THROUGHOUT, I SAID VICTORIAN ART DECO NEO MID…

You’re thematically consistent!