Call me when Rankin/Bass cover the Ramones for Christmas.

She thought Trump owned it?

Yes, but don't you want respond to the question about Red Lobster?

You could wear a hijab.

You could just stop mooning the screen instead.

Such acts of Lèse majesté towards the celebrity class cannot go unpunished.

Look, I love awards shows. I'm doing them a big favor by cancelling them all. Many of the awards shows have called me and told me what I'm doing is so brilliant and so needed.

We should have a pool on who his next target for deportation is.

Was it an acting award or "Best Tits"?

I didn't say they were drunk and fapping all the time.

Isn't it assumed that everyone at the Hollywood Foreign Press Association is drunk off their ass all of the time?

Groups of college students and the leading candidates of one of the two major political parties are about equally important, right?

The four times he got knocked out, he was just using the rules to his advantage.

They'll just rewrite the script to show that Trump was the undefeated heavyweight champion of the world.

I think when you are casting someone as universally well known as Ali, you'd probably be best off picking an unknown.

I'll never look at porn the same way again.

I thought the 3D craze had ended?

You should get that rash looked at, by the way.

Can't they just shoot each other like they used to? The old ways were the best ways.

Lily Tomlin has always annoyed the shit out of me, but I would do Jane Fonda without hesitation.