meow

Unfortunately, not everyone has the face for it.

Better than a Swiss Army Farting Corpse

I don't understand why Phil, the largest one, does not simply eat the other show?

Perhaps CBS will also commission … a coming-of-age story about being the only bald kid with a bushy mustache in fifth grade.

Wealthy men in unhappy marriages who got dragged there? I keep saying that I would make an excellent second wife…

I'm usually more of a wino, but when you're in a bowling league, beer is really de rigueur. I've been enjoying Founders Breakfast Stout, which has a lot of coffee and chocolate flavors.

I will be going to brunch and a lecture at the Art Institute. You know, where all the eligible bachelors will be on game day.

Get a humidifier

Well at least now everyone here knows how to use the tabs on the container to get the foil out easily. What? No no, I'm not secretly a shill for Big Foil… heh heh no *sweats*

They are literally the worst. One of my friends cancelled her service and ordered new service when she moved in the fall, and is now getting collection calls because she has 4 months of unpaid bills from the account that was supposed to be cancelled.

Also, I'd like to speak up for Master Chef Junior. The knock-off junior shows might end up being annoying, but that one is pretty endearing. It's fun to see how supportive and sweet Gordon Ramsey can be when he ditches his shouty reality show persona, and while some of the kids can be annoying in the way that any…

The only fun thing I made this week was tzatziki. It's a recipe I really like that uses mint instead of dill, since dill isn't my favorite flavor. I can literally eat this stuff with a spoon. http://www.seriouseats.com/…

I'm currently struggling with that fact as I look at new opportunities. But then I will also have more money to kill as they pay me peanuts here, so it evens out. Then I can just buy new friends replacement internet strangers.

*cat noise*

Interesting how one of tolerable things is one of the site's advertisers, hmmm?

I am going to EGOT. For us. For the family. And especially for little Chewbaquina Jordan.

Hamilton. So hot right now.

You need more electrolytes. Have some hot ham water.

Aw my bowling league plays that night, but I feel emotionally invested in hoping that this doesn't suck.