I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said, "I'll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one." Kinda funny.

Yeah, that's the biggest question I had also. The thing is, the details they reveal to the public/media at this phase are so restricted, we may not know for awhile. I had a whirlwind of guesses/assumptions (which really aren't fair to him at this point, honestly). My first guess, if he knew this guy (who would later…

I don't like people anymore. Is there some way I can avoid all people forever?

Well fuck. I think we can all agree with this one today:

Yes, my $9.00 an hour salary would go really far in rural India, but if I were in rural India I wouldn't have a $9.00 an hour job. See how that works?

I used to say I was allergic to celery because I didn't like it. I was, however, 10 years old. While I'm positive every adult I told rolled their eyes behind my back, it was an effective way to avoid being forced to eat my most hated of vegetables. If you're a grown ass adult you can just say "I don't like that, I'm…

Um, yeah?

"Anything crunchy I am allergic to."

I finally understand Anya's fear.

Gross explanation by medical student:

"If he got caught with pot or picked up for fighting when he was younger, it has no bearing on the events of that day."

Well at least initially it will be held by the police as evidence for the trial. Eventually they'll return it to the store, where it'll be cleaned up and sold with the rest of the rings, Russian Roulette style.

In our little town we have a crisis nursery, where you can drop off your kids for a few hours or for a few days with no negative repercussions and for free. We have it for EXACTLY this reason, because sometimes parents/caregivers need respite. It has reduced the rates of children entering the foster care system in our…

Right? Was she supposed to ask a teacher for a jar and ship the tissue to Mr Fuckhead Moses?

Fixed.

Great minds think alike and steal all the covers.

Chillaxing puppy perhaps post-margaritas. It's big. Kind of sorry, but kind of can't be bothered to be sorry. I lost my last fuck when my kid shit her pants while I was making dinner. TMI? Focus on the puppy Heather. Focus. On. The. Puppy.

Our (Texas) school dress code prohibited body piercings — even body piercings that are not visible while clothed. I had my belly button pierced and the rumor got around to my cheer coach, who demanded I lift up my shirt so she could inspect my reportedly-pierced belly button. I told her if she forced me to lift up my…

Exactly— this is a business transaction, not your personal excuse to work out your social hangups. If I want my wedding invitations to say "YO BITCHES WE GETTIN HITCHED SO COME ON DOWN AND GET PLASTERED!", that is what you will print on my invitations. If I want to address my bridesmaid's envelope to Grand High Lady…