And next olympics she wins Gold!... From rags to riches.

Hugh Jasshole

Pop star feuds and diss tracks. It’s like the world has turned inside out, but I’m here for all the petty.

Who the fuck has time for sex when they still have to figure out whether or not they are a goddamn millennial? I’m nearly 34. I wore acid wash jeans in elementary school the first goddamn time around. I’ve never heard of these fucking “participation trophies” that everyone keeps talking about and I have student loans…

No wonder quality of shower heads were dramatically improved

That’s why everyone should get some of the awesome mutts at the shelter (they need homes and nobody wants them!) instead of getting a dog bred selectively in a way that maximizes their suffering for personal profit.

I live in Alabama, where this type of female is well represented. They usually date this guy:

I dreamed I was eating secret brownies (that were amazing and in retrospect, actually cake). Y’all live a much more exciting dream life than me.

This. Gods, I haven’t had a closed door in ten years. Not to sleep, not to change, not to pee... He doesn’t necessarily want IN, he just wants the option.

But I think the term “conservative” came from being fiscally conservative all around, which would also include the military, right? I mean, of course now it’s out of control, but that’s part of the current problem. I could be wrong, though.

My best friend and college roommate for three years is a conservative, and was a member of the college Republicans. He was (and is) an exemplary conservative and one whom I wish the party was full of.

For my entire life, my mother has pointed out how crooked my nose is (obstensibly because the doctor had to use forceps to pull me out at birth). I’m over 50 now and I can still see it, especially if I tilt my head up a bit. I have been self conscious about it since forever, and give it credit for why no one ever…

You made my night.