Someone better be on EBay selling Orchids of Asia T-shirts. I bet the Barstool guys are all over it 

I hope you’re better at masturbatin’ than you are at race baitin’ because that was pretty bad timing. Good effort tho. 

No chance he’s forced to sell. I do see this ending with a handoff to Thanksdad Johnathan probably a few years earlier than originally planned, and likely a fine. But no chance they force the old man to sell the team outside his family. Not a prayer.

Well I guess we can cross the Cubbies off the list of teams willing to be the Away team in the opening game for the Kuwait Devil Rays in 2035

I mean, if I’m shoveling $1.3 on top of the $48 million I already got? Fuck it ya I would. Life’s too short to be a cheap asshole. 

I cannot wait for every press conference for the rest of his days with the jets. Which might be about 340 days. 

Not into it. 

Russia gonna Russia

Does nobody have TV Guide anymore??

Can we all agree that Lonzo sucks? He can’t shoot. A top-flight PG in this league has to be able to shoot. Maybe he can go kick ass in Lithuania or something 

Well after he very publicly told the team they needed to “back up the brinks truck” yeah I’d say he would have been insulted. He bet on himself and lost, it sucks but what can you do? Can’t fault the team for not throwing a max deal at a broken down  5’9” point guard 

IT was already breaking down at the end of his Celtics run; why the fuck would anyone expect a team to “back up the brinks truck” for a broken down small guy who was clearly never going to be the same player. That’s stupid. Just like it would be stupid for The Unibrow to waste his career in NO. 

I love how a single sports team gets called out for a lack of loyalty, when literally every team in every sport, at the end of the day, will make decisions that are in the best interest of the team. On the flip side you can look at the coach (former Celtics player) and the shitload of retired jersey numbers in the…

I would never want my son to play for a team with a storied history and a passionate fan base. Or shave his unibrow. 

Seems about right for deadspin 

Have you ever seen someone throw a headbutt who isn’t a complete psychopath?? It’s gotta be the most insane move ever. Kicking the guy in the balls would be so entry level compared to this. 

His parents are whiter than a snowstorm LOL

Next time I pound one out on a Saturday morning, and my wife wakes up and grumbles, I’m just gonna tell her I’m self-tampering.