This is what i came here for!You deserve a foot massage done by piglets!

Thanks. It was a stupid mistake - I missed a court date for a ticket, so I had a bench warrant out. Got pulled over on my way home from work, then spent 16 hours in jail before I could get out, even though my husband showed up at the facility before i even got there, cash in hand to bail me out.

Worst 16 hours of my…

You should have seen the one where there were five kids all standing, and the last kid was clearly dead (closed eyes and all) and the kid in front of her was like “NOPE.” I do not recommend searching “Victorian dead baby photography” if you have a weak stomach.

As a dog owner, the cat move of “oh hey, let me roll and you can rub my belly except no I’m going to claw your eyes out” feint always gets me.

one eyed cats are better than all other one eyed animals

Jason Statham is a treasure.

I’ve always thought being entombed in a glass coffee table would be nice. That way I can keep an eye on my husband to see how quickly he remarries and still stay in close contact with alcohol.

Lars and the Real Girl. He got - and deserved - an Oscar nod for it.

I really hate the “my bald-headed daughter must have a feminine headband or you will think she is a boy and will probably become a lesbian” look. Your daughter has no hair right now... woe is you.

I enjoyed him in Lars and the Real Girl.

Crazy Stupid Love is one of my most favourite underrated movies.

Do not watch Place Beyond the Pines unless you want to feel like drinking a bottle of Draino in the middle of it.

a cinematic interpretation of my face reading this

You think we’re too stupid to realize when you’re baiting us Deadspin Dude?

Kendall Jenner is totally smooching Lakers guard Jordan Clarkson

And avoid Kobe Bryant at all costs, obviously.

Pretty much

Do we keep at the baby-Ariana Grande thing because the site is closing down soon and nothing matters anyway?

Apt to collect flies if left unrefrigerated too long!

Since you made me watch this:

With the exception of amazing actor Brock Peters, of course.