Or if she does speak up loudly and insistently, “Why couldn’t you just play nice? You’re far too difficult to work with as an actor!”

Or the inverse happens - “geez, why is she YELLING? It’s like women can’t argue rationally - and they’re SO shrill”.

I can’t believe she’s getting shit for not being able to yell over top of that group of douche bros. Have the people castigating her ever BEEN in that situation? Because I have, and good luck with making your voice heard of their endless, loud, testosterone fueled  yawping.

I think it’s a combination of a LOT of factors. It’s peer pressure, gender dynamics in group environments, projection, bystander effect and fear of reprisals.

I have also been a dubious witness to this sort of behavior. Do you think they close ranks because they are scared and projecting? I think that many of these dudes remember times when they committed a similar act or feel their moral compass could easily allow them a future despicable act. (It was a joke!) (Gee women…

It was. The sad thing is the subsequent shunning by the group was far worse though.

Women get punished no matter what. “Why didn’t you speak up!?” “Oh you did? WHY NOT LOUDER!?”

I have been in many group situations with men, both socially and professional, where it was made clear through inaction and dismissal that my worth was not equal to theirs.

“maybe you said or did something racist, but you might truly not believe you’re racist”

Intent matters if it was an accident— if the grabber never intended to grab in the first place. But he clearly meant to grab Fraser, so the reason why is a bullshit excuse.

This is the bullshit of abusers and racists: to say it’s a ‘joke’ to escape criticism of ugly assed behavior.

I honestly don’t know how this happened, and not that it changed anything that I noticed, but my middle school “Project Self-Respect” classes were VERY clear that harassment is defined by how the PERSON BEING HARASSED feels about it. The rest was bullshit abstinence only crap, but even a broken clock I guess.

If you are poor or not white, you’ll be judged on your actions. If you’re a white affluent male, you’ll be given all the chances.

I hate that abusers of all types think it’s their intentions and what’s in their heart of heart that matters. People should be judged by their actions!

Even if it was a joke, I’m not sure why the victim has to attest to that. How would he know what the assaulter was thinking?

Who the hell cares if it was “intended as a joke.” How many little jerks snapped my bra, slapped my ass or honked my breast because they thought it would be funny? That they were joking and didn’t mean ill? Intention doesn’t matter when the violation of your bodily autonomy is breached. Fuck them.

“...it was intended to be taken as a joke and not as a sexual advance.”

Good to know— if someone gropes me to make a joke, or if a guy is sexually assaulted in a locker room as part of a hazing activity, or if someone pulls up a girl’s skirt in public, it’s cool since it’s not an intended sexual advance.

Exactly...I never understood this reasoning. If they’re truly about “saving the babies”, as they say, are the babies that are the result of rape or incest any less worth “saving”? Makes no sense.

“rape or incest”