I - who at the time did not have kids - once got into a minor argument with my sister - who had kids - over a comment I made that was something to the effect of “when I have kids, they will eat what I cooked. I’m not making two different meals just to appease a 2 year old.”

Re Screen time rule: We’re actually reasonably good at this, but to any fully compliant parents: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU CLIP THEIR NAILS?

We’ve all abandoned those sorts of pledges at one point or another and it usually turns out fine, once we figure out how to moderate and make new, realistic rules. Sure, I gave up on my pledge of “I won’t let my son run a middle school gambling ring” but you can bet that when I drive him around on collection runs he ha…

I wish I could go back in time and slap pre baby me for every “we’ll never do that” parenting thought I ever had. 

What if I want to rent a home?

I had that same list, and now I have unashamedly let my kid watch youtube videos while she sat in McDonalds eating nuggets.

I had so, so many plans.

I won’t fly with my kid when I have one. Not until they’re old enough to handle it. Sorry.

“Could you not drive in that scenario?”

And I don't think there are enough actual goons who are really all that loyal to Trump. As soon as the shit starts hitting the fan, we'll see how many run for the exits, turn state's evidence, etc. They're only loyal as long as they're making bank.

The golden ring of hell.

Yeah, I’d definitely rather focus on the fact that she shared, like, a thing implying that grieving parents’ pain was false then the fact that she’s not the best voice actor.

Shaq needs to be the bigger man

I mean, Deadspin, the sister sports site that I follow tweeted this piece out. They wrote a GoT spoiler and posted it on their front page, despite being a sports site. With a somewhat suggestive title.

Jones has all the right attributes: Will, Height, Intelligence, Tenacity, Eye-hand coordination.

“Maybe we’re going to be the Green Bay Model, where Rodgers sat for three years. Who knows?”

The nuance appears when you read the original post I’m replying to. Have a good weekend, friend!

Nearly five months ago, I suffered a severe brain hemorrhage while I was just standing around at a work party. When I collapsed, I fractured my skull.

A hipster coffee shop in Frisco... who would’ve thunk it?

Sometimes, in these rarest of times, I'm glad to have spent the amount of time I've spent on Twitter.