And those are the easiest five chords you could ever learn (aside from tuning to drop D and just playing power chords). Anyone who spent fifteen minutes picking out a guitar with decent action and who doesn’t have the butter-soft bones and muscles of an inbred royal would be able to master them within a few weeks.

Although the cannibalism may seem severe, it is thankfully brief. In other species, the female will slowly suck the life out of her partner over a period of decades. This process is commonly referred to as marriage.