I didn't mention the sex tape and it's irrelevant. But you cannot convince me that dressing up and doing elaborate makeup in order to pose for selfies that are then posted on Instagram is work. Just like the Wall ST sociopaths who crashed the economy are not "job creators." You can say it over and over but it still…

It's not rating her worth as a woman, it's just pointing out how absurd it is that a multi-millionaire woman (who's claim to fame is being born rich and a sex tape) is acting like she knows exactly what it's like to be a working mom, when really she has the option to work or not whereas so many women don't.

She does Satan or he sends the w-2 because I think both would be valid answers

satan.

"elderly Pony Express maven"

That has happened to me. For one brief, glorious minute in 2013 everyone knew that I had not only watched "HoT BoyZ Make Luv VERY Swet" but liked it enough that I wanted to share it with the world.

Thanks for basically ruining my weekend with this story. Leaving now to take my kids for as much ice cream as they can eat until they barf. Big hugs for them. They are the light of my life.

Read my unbiased research at LouisPasteurWasAMassMurderer.net.

the skin/peel is contaminated, and if you cut right into it without washing it can drag bacteria into the fruit, which is pretty much ideal conditions for exponential growth. your dad's a clever one. :)

Hmm. That sounds promising. I found a Chobani yogurt wedged between my washer and dryer. Would you perhaps be interested in a trade?

Interesting information. My dad is a public health professional who worked as a health department inspector for many of his younger years. He always dissects a cantaloupe by slicing away a central stripe with a vegetable peeler, slicing in half and then scooping out the insides.

I'm a very important person. I sell monogrammed coffee thermoses.

See?! Fucking SEE?! And they'll ask you CONSTANTLY when you first get here if you've been to Primanti's yet. They will not fucking shut up about it. They're so goddamn proud of one of the grossest things I've ever eaten. It is staggering to me.

I fucking LOVE lentils. Like, straight up love them. Then again, I am vegetarian and likely not to be trusted with such opinions (if it counts for anything, I have sampled almost every kind of meat before I went vegetarian. Perks of being a nosy waitress with a boss who liked to share his experiments).

The frogurt is also cursed.

Here's the other reason I did a Foods That Should Not Exist: since this is the column that landed me this job, and a trip out of the nightmare that is the food industry, I thought it only fitting that my last full feature as a Recruit (other than next Monday's BCO) be a probably-overdue edition of Foods That Should…

The guy is a regular William Butler Yeast.

That might have been my old roommate. Who got really angry at me and called me a know it all when I told her that Tokyo was NOT the capital of China. Beijing was the capital. She was freaking out and started crying. She was angry with me for days.

SHE ATE AN ICE PACK?!

but the end result was that he decided to boycott THE ENTIRE PROVINCE OF ALBERTA