I can offer two!

Wow. So much horror in so few words.

The best poop stories come from our HR people at work. We have had several poop artists at our company— they leave little presents in the hallways, or just completely defile a bathroom. I just got a call about one a couple days ago— they were finding little trails of tiny escaped poops, and then just a totally f'd up…

Unfortunately it does happen.

(How has no one posted this gif yet?!)

How about this little guy?

That's your winner? Pffft...

Also, horseradish doesn't get its own special mention, it just gets lumped in with "all manner of root vegetables"? Our seders look like bachelorette parties every year.

These peppers?

Um, Corndog???

How is geoduck only at 18? That is one of the dickiest animals to ever dick the earth.

Guys in the locker room called my uncircumcised friend 'Eggroll'.

Yup, it looks like a dick.

Mmmmm.....dog pork.....

WHILE I DOG PORK YOU

Bonus points for including his mom's in the count.

Whatever happened to letting people find out you're crazy the old-fashioned way?

"how many vaginas have you touched?"